3 Steps to Building Self Confidence - Pt. I

Step 1

Setting Out. Preparing Yourself for Success!

Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: people who lack self-confidence can find it very difficult to become successful.

Confident people inspire confidence in others: their peers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends and family. And gaining the trust and confidence of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds success.

The good news is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working on your own confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s well-worth the effort!

What behaviors are associated with low self-confidence?

Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behavior.

What behaviors are associated with low self-confidence? Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself and people around you?

As you can see from these examples, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. Confident people are generally more positive – they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living life to the fullest.

What Is Self-Confidence?

Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.

We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed; and it's this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks and obstacles.

This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem, which is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that it doesn't matter what the people around us think about us. We know largely that can't be controlled. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we are honest, thoughtful, caring people. We are competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.

Thinking positively along with setting and achieving goals – thereby building competence and the belief that you have a right to be happy. I believe that self-confidence can be built and sustained with affirmations and positive self-thought among other strategies.

Building Self-Confidence

So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality?

The good news is that becoming more confident is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focus and determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things you’ll do to build your self-confidence will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!

So here is step one of my three steps to self-confidence, for which we’ll use the metaphor of a journey: preparing for your journey; setting out; and accelerating towards success.

Part I of my three part series; we’ll talk about preparing for your journey.

Step 1: Setting Out - Preparing for Your Journey

The first step involves getting yourself ready for your journey to self-confidence. You need to get yourself in the right mindset for your journey, take stock of where you are, think about where you want to go, and commit yourself to starting it and staying with it. In preparing for your journey, do these five things:

1. Start Managing Your Mind

At this stage, you need to start managing your mind. The first pillar in The Confidence Trifecta is Mindfulness. Learning to pick out and defeat the negative self- talk which can destroy your confidence. Set up a 15 minute complimentary session with me and I’ll show you how to begin doing this.

I can also teach you how to use and create strong mental images of what you'll feel and experience as you achieve your goals – there’s something about doing this that makes even major goals seem achievable!

2. Look at What You've Already Achieved

Think about your life so far, and list the ten best things you've achieved in a "Valley Victories time line." Valley Victories are those times you thought you were down...but you wasn't out! You emerged victorious from what you thought would keep you down. Once again you found yourself on top of the next Peak! Start from your first memories in your lifetime. Perhaps you aced an important test or exam, played a key role in an important family function, produced the best sales figures in a period, did something that made a key difference in someone else’s life, or delivered a project that meant a lot for your career.

Write these down in a journal, which you can look at often. And then spend a few minutes each week enjoying the success you’ve already had!

3. Think About Your Strengths

Looking at your Valley Victories time line, and reflecting on your recent life, think about what you, your family and your friends would consider to be your strengths and weaknesses. Better yet, ask them! From these, think about the opportunities and obstacles you faced and how you overcame them.

Make sure that you enjoy a few minutes reflecting on your strengths!

4. Think About What's Important to You, and Where You Want to Go

Next, think about the things that are really important to you, and what you want to achieve with your life. Remember, this is all about YOU! Think about only yourself in this step.

Setting and achieving goals that are important to you is a key part of this, and real confidence comes from this. Goal setting is the process you use to set yourself targets, and measure your successful hitting of those targets. Contact me if you need help uncovering what you want to achieve. I can also help you identify and set goals that exploit your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, realize your opportunities, and control the obstacles you face.

After you’ve identified the goals for your life, identify the first action step in each. Make sure it’s a very small action, perhaps taking no more than an hour to complete!

Consider attending one of my Vision Board Workshops and creating a Vision Board. A visual representation of the goal and/or life you have created for yourself. Your Vision Board acts as a daily reminder of the life you’re born to live and helps you to tap into it on an emotional and spiritual level.

5. And Then Commit Yourself to Success!

The final part of preparing for the journey is to make a clear and unequivocal promise to yourself that you are absolutely committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your power to achieve it.

If as you’re doing it, you find doubts starting to surface, write them down and challenge them calmly and rationally. If they dissolve under scrutiny, that’s great. However if they are based on genuine obstacles, make sure you set additional actions to manage these appropriately.

Either way, make that promise to yourself and keep it!

Melody M. Miller, CPCC

Author, Life Strategist, Speaker

CEO | The Confidence Trifecta, LLC

www.theconfidencetrifecta.com | theconfidencetrifecta@gmail.com


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By the way... Have you read my book?

"Getting Back to Wonderful, Wisdom and Inspiration For the Peaks and Valleys" - available on Amazon

Article inspired by: Mind Tools 1996-2019. All rights reserved

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